Game of Thrones S6 E9: “Best. Episode. Ever.”

Slavers learn the meaning of Dracarys! Yara flirts with Dany. Melisandre gives zero fucks. The bastard’s battle is bloody. RIP Wun Wun. Sansa smiles.

Battle of the Bastards Jon Snow Game of Thrones Episode 9 Stimulated Boredom

Warning: This podcast contains spoilers for the Game of Thrones episode, “Battle of the Bastards.”

The face-off between Jon Snow and Ramsay Bolton, after a series of unequivocal gut punches in favor of the bad guys, filled my heart with kind of hope and anticipation typically reserved for child birth. So, when HBO Now decided to fucking crash at 9:00 pm EST on Sunday night, I (and the entire Twitterverse) had a Cersei-sized tantrum.

I cleared my cache. Logged out. Logged back in. Rebooted my device. Rebooted my wireless router. Uninstalled. Reinstalled. Refreshed. To no avail. HBO Now was down for over two hours, and as much of a First World Problem as that is, I was goddamn pissed off.

All I could do was tweet my nerd rage. I also had to tell Dana and Peter that I couldn’t record the podcast that night. We collectively apologize for the podcast being up a bit later than usual. Blame HBO Now. As a consolation prize, here are some hilarious tweets. #ichooseviolence

I did finally get to watch the episode at about midnight, and OMFG!

Jon snow on the battle field in the game of thrones episode, Battle of the Bastards

Historically, Game of Thrones saves the best bits of its seasons for last. In this case, the creators of the show outdid themselves. Battle of the Bastards may be the most well-crafted episode of the series to date. I was blown away.

• There is some serious lady power on the rise: Dany, Yara and Sansa are on FIRE!
• Who else is shipping Dany and Yara, btw?
• Can we talk about Lady Mormont’s exquisite resting bitch face?
• Poor Davos
• Tormund and Smalljon, though
• Piles and piles of bodies
• Jon Snow is a killing machine
• Ramsay does one, last incredibly shitty thing
• Sansa’s smile made it all worth it

There is only one thing that could make this season better, and her name is Lady Stoneheart. Let’s all pray to the Seven Gods and the Lord of Light for her ghastly reveal in the season finale or else I might actually quit the show.

Lying Cat from Saga against black background stimulated boredom.

OK. Maybe I won’t quit the show, but there better not be any wildfire laying around if she doesn’t show up. #burnthemall

Thanks for tuning in, and be sure to leave your comments, questions or fan theories in the comment section below – and we will respond to them on the next show. 🙂

See you next week, nerds!
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freelance writer. occasional cosplayer. always #noncompliant
  • Rickie

    feel free to throw all the jokes my way. im a goofball and have no problem laughing at myself. but there seems to be some misunderstanding, though im super fierce im not a “she” but a “he”, no biggie just saying. though i agree that this is perhaps the best season yet my favorite season is still season 2. unlike dana who usually only watch each episode once i not only usually watch every episode twice but i rewatch all previous seasons or at least the last season before the new season starts. i’ve seen each season at least three times (season 2 a little more than that cause its my fav). i kind of gave that up this season and only rewatch episodes that really impress me. needless to say this episode may be a one and done.
    this episode was a bit of a mixed bag for me. loved all the stuff in mereen (everything tyrion does is great and i would gladly be his boy queen) and the non fighting parts of the stuff in the battle for winterfell but the battle was too gruesome for me
    personally. especially the part with jon being stumped on. i always fast forward through that scene but just closed my eyes. part of the reason it was so rough to watch is not only my love for jon but i went through something very similarly as a kid where i was trapped at the bottom of a pile up of a bunch of middle school kids who just had to run out after a school dance causing a stampede and a human pileup.
    very painful and traumatic moment for me. predictions for the finale: the high sparrow’s secret is of a sexual nature (but i dont think its the boys), arya will have a traveling companion who is secretly jaqen h’ghar, sansa falls completely under little finger’s spell and will betray jon, varis enlists marjorie into dany’s team, and the episode will end with the reveal of lady stoneheart.

  • Gender pronouns are important! We stand corrected. 🙂

    You are so right, that battle was incredibly gruesome. Typically, I am similar in that I don’t like that kind of gore. It’s the reason I don’t watch Daredevil on Netflix because you can hear the bones cracking. That’s just one of many rules that Game Of Thrones breaks for me.

    And OMG! that scene probably triggered you. Whoa. Sounds terrifying to be trapped under moving humans. I would fast forward too!

    I think that the High Sparrow’s secret is that he has a bunch of wildfire. Or more to the point, the secret that was revealed to Cersei isn’t about him at all. Rather, it’s all about the wildfire under the city. Why else would Tyrion be SO SPECIFIC as to where it was hidden when he was talking to Dany? I think Cersei is going to BURN THEM ALL… or try to.

    I like your Arya theory. Then he’ll take her back to Braavos? Maybe there’s no escaping the House of Black & White unless you’re dead. And even then, your face ends up on the wall.

    There will definitely be some Sansa/Littlefinger maneuvering, but I hope she knows better.

    And I seriously hope you are right about that ending. Pretty, pretty please.

    Cheers, Rickie!

  • Rickie

    my theory with arya isnt that she gets taken back to braavos but jaqen and syrio are the same person and he is going to aid her in her quest for revenge. i dont recall if she used up all the names he said he would kill for her? but either way he obviously cares for the girl and i just dont see him leaving her to do this alone.
    lets say you are right and the sparrow does have the wildfire, is varys going to steal it for dany or use it and burn down most of king’s landing to take out the lannisters and the faith militant?
    im sticking with the sex thing. the way he spoke to marjorie not only about her “duties as a wife and queen” but his story about his past, he has no respect for women and i doubt he could give up the pleasures of human contact. we will see in a few days lol.
    thanks for writing, its always a pleasure to speak with you 🙂

  • Mike

    There are just way way too many good things happening to people fans love. Rule one of Game of Thrones is that if things are going your way, it’s just so you can be dropped further down. I am pretty sure that if Lady Stoneheart is not the cliffhanger, then the cliff hanger with be Uncle Greyjoy. There is a little something that he had in the books that they have not shown in the show, that I feel are just going to flip the tables DaenerYara. The plot that How To Train Your Dragon 2, straight up stole from Feast of Crows: The DragonBinder horn. Oh yeah, and LittleFinger is totes going to demand Winterfell.

  • Rickie

    i totally agree with you. thinking over little finger’s plot over the entire series i see what he has planned. he always talked about how he never wanted to rule and how he is not a threat but that was just to project weakness and that he had no desire for the throne. his plan was to kill ned then mary katlyn, then with winterfell take king’s landing. but with katlyn dead he had to change his plans, so now he has the vail and if everything goes his way he marries sansa and has BOTH the vail and the north, i think that would be enough to mount a rebellion and take the iron throne.

  • fran

    or will LF demand Sansa’s hand in marriage, or that she marry her cousin, thus controlling the vale and winterfell

  • fran

    So no Arya serving Frey pie? I think LF will want to marry Sansa or marry her to her cousin, so he control both. Think at this point Sansa is a little tired of being controlled and marrying people she did not chose to marry. If she turns down LF, then that leaves Winterfell vulnerable. Hopefully band w/o banners will show up to help as they are moving north to help with the battle of the wights. Don’t feel as certain about this as I did about Yara and Theon gaining alliance with Dany. hit that one!

  • fran

    Cersci is going to use the wildfire. Let’s face she is now a few sandwiches short of a picnic!

  • fran

    I am dying to know if Sansa gives in to what he wants or not. If she doesn’t, then there may well be hell to pay. Could brothers w/o banners step in? Someone needs to teach Sansa how to use a dagger. I mean seriously. ooo, did Sansa make disparaging remarks about Arya and her learning to use a a sword?

  • Devan R James

    I think the whole Littlefinger storyline is a red herring. He’s not going to figure into the endgame at all. He’s just a facilitator. He’s slimy and a complete narcissist, by he’s background noise.

  • Devan R James

    What a great episode! I believe that now that a Stark is back in Winterfell the North will rally the rest of the Seven Kingdoms to oppose the Iron Throne. Will Sansa make Jon a Stark in name? She needs a Stark to command her forces, and she does not have the knowledge to do so. We may very well see the first use of Bran warging into someone to manipulate events to the defense of the wall. Also, as for Sa

  • fran

    yes, but back ground slime bags can facilitate the big outcome, or some agony along the way…

  • Devan R James

    Well, he has already done a lot of agony vis-a-vis house Aron and the Ramsay-Sansa incident. He’s one of the few characters I never had any attachment to.

  • fran

    speaking of the Ramsey-Sansa incident, he still owes her big time. She has become much smarter as she has survived each crisis. she kept her own counsel with bringing the knights of the Vale in to the battle.

  • Excellent question! We’re discussing on the podcast now. 🙂

  • #NailedIt

  • Devan R James

    Thinking back on it she definitely gave him two, and in my memory the third was his own if I’m not mistaken? She then removed it. Meaning she does have one more. I should look that up.

  • fran

    I do that occasionally. Great wasn’t it! So with some good people finally winning, you have to think, ok…..something bad is going to do down next season.